Fuck I hate kids

 

 

Fuck I hate kids.

When I think of sledge hammers, I can usually picture a punkass receiving one right to his spinal cord via my fantasy. Fuck I hate kids.

 

I faintly remember going to high school. I was part of one of those interesting groups that everyone knew. No one wanted to really associate with us, but that's because too many's a crowd. We were pretty normal, caused some trouble, but I don't think I'd look back and ever think that someone wanted to kick our asses.

So now I work right between two high schools. On my left in the nice Catholic school, from which two girls that I've banged went to. How's that for grammar, Ms. Kennedy? You dyke. On my right, the biggest public school in the city. I banged one girl from there. (So Catholic school is 100% better by v2 math) The school is so fucking massive. From every angle you think it's massive building, but then upon investigation, you notice that it has like, 11 sides or some shit. It's like a coliseum for white trash emo goth skid wastes of blowjobs. Here's a visual example of how things work.

    
          Catholic School                vs.                 Public School                          

That's just how I see it.  That was a completely fair comparison. I'm so tragically afraid to have children for this very reason. Who knows what kind of father I'll become? Luckily, I have my role models. And luckily, all my role models are on Fox. In fact, every other station only has one reason to live. For instance: ABC - Lost. CBS - CSI. NBC - The Office. Absolutely nothing else. Every other good show is on Fox. Luckily Fox is keeping all their shit up to date. Peter is the new Homer, Stan is the new Hank, Dave is the new Al and Jack is the new MacGyver. That's the kind of dad I need to be.

It's like Bud grew up and took after his dad

Anyway, these kids are fucking awful. The ones that don't look like they came from a dirty Petri dish are all little gangsters. And for the first time in my life, I think I saw a black thug. I forgot they came in black. Like an iPod, it's an exception, not the rule. I'm walking to Pizza Pizza and all of a sudden, Ali G and the Berkshire Massive are in front of me. Thank god I only carry debit and credit cards, and lord knows they ain't never used one of those before. Those kids are like fucking cavemen - instead of using money they trade dried plants and powders. Weird.

 

Dundas Street circa lunch hour

When I think about those motherfuckers, I can only think of one line. After I say this line I usually fantasize about laying the smackdown on all their candy asses. There's only two things they can do about it - nothing, and like it.

I remember back in the day how me and my crew used to roll. We weren't punk ass trash, we were just ghetto royalty. We had one friend from the West Side, who of course was rich. Always had things just a little nicer than ours - pants a little wider, food a little warmer and money a little more existent. We didn't accept him at first, but eventually he started paying us and the rest is history. I remember once he got us a limo to go to a concert. Up to this point I hadn't even been in a car with 4 doors.

The bunch of asses we just kicked (not pictured)

Sometimes I just wonder why high school kids exist. Can't they just all fucking die? It seems to get worse every year. They keep getting more violent, drug use is becoming more prevalent, and scholastic aptitude keeps dropping closer and closer to third-world levels. The other day I went to Taco Bell and got a Fries Supreme. That little cockfiddler didn't give me a fork. That's like giving me a girl with A cups. Bleh. My kids are never going to work at a fast food place. They're going to be engineering guns so the dumb kids can shoot each other.

We can only dream

It's not my fault society keeps getting worse, but I do know whose fault it is. It's those fucking people who help useless people. You know who I'm talking about - homeless, battered women, people who want to save animals, and bad children. You cannot fix something that's broken. People do not come with a warranty. If you aren't wonderful by the time you're 16, you never will be. Social workers are the scum of the earth. Instead of spending time with useless fuckers, you should be working with intelligent people to make the world a better place. That's what's wrong with this country. They spend so much time and money rewarding failure. They have rehab, AA, support shelters, Money Mart - where the fuck are the places that reward me for being talented and hard-working? Those fuckers make so many excuses. "But this poor man has his PhD, then his identity was stolen, and he ending up being homeless."

 

Right. Smart enough to get a PhD but not smart enough to call the authorities to straighten things out. A regular patient comes to visit this doctor:

"Hey Doc! I don't know who you are, what your name is, or what you do, because someone stole your PayPal password last month. You might as well shut this fucking building with your name on it right down." Naturally his receptionist, assistant and 193 patients couldn't confirm his identity. Now he's homeless. Quick! Let's make sure that Tommy v2 loses 27% of his yearly income to helping this fucking scum.

Fuck that.