Letterman can blow me - Top 10 TV shows of all time

 

 

Yes, it's true. I even watch TV. In case this device is new to you, let me save you a lot of time. These are the greatest shows of all time, guaranteed to entertain you and all very much v2 approved.

 

10)

Simpsons

"Worst. Episode. Ever." All you hear about is how shitty the show has gotten. Well guess what? It's good. Always been good. My only gripe is that the fucking kids should have aged. Bart in high school? Lisa giving blowjobs in cars? Maggie being in school dealing with Skinner and Willy? Brilliant. They really dropped the ball on that one. Luckily, it's a large ball. Easily the most consistent show on television and certainly the most archaic. Nonetheless, a staple of television and it's not going anywhere any time soon. And yes, I noticed all the people are yellow.

Best episode: Mr. Plow
Best quote: "What's your obsession with daddy's forbidden closet of mystery?"

 

9)

CSI

The most intelligent show on TV for stupid people. Probably the best serious show that can be casually watched. And easily so, as it's on three times a day. When I sat down and watched 200 episodes in a row, I enjoyed it. I can't figure one episode from another after seeing 200 of them. This show is tied with Wheel of Fortune as the the one that makes dumb people say "I knew that was the answer!!!" the most. You didn't solve it. Not once. And you love it.  Oh yeah, and it's also the best looking HD show. Plus they always show hookers and strippers. Instant street cred.

Best Episode: Chasing the Bus
Best line: Insert cheap Grissom one-liner before title credits

8)

Prison Break

An entire showing about one dude getting out of a cage. Supposedly the best looking man on the planet getting out of a cage. If MacGyver and Jack Bauer voltroned into one person, it'd be Michael Scofield. A thrilling piece of television that truly stretches the concept of a focused show. Shamelessly stealing material from other shows and making you care, it is living proof that anything Fox puts on the air dealing with bad people is solid gold. Time will tell if it has the staying power of other shows, but I have a feeling they won't fuck this one up. How can they? He breaks out or he doesn't. You can't fuck that up.

Best episode: End of the Tunnel
Best quote: "In a place like this, you never know which day's going to be your last."

7)

Da Ali G Show

Booyah Kasha. If there is anything funnier than Family Guy, it's this. To say that this is quotable and immitatable is an understatement. Ali G is one of the inspirations behind v2 himself. I spent the entire year of 2001 talking like Ali G. I spent the first half of 2005 talking like Borat. I choose not to speak like Bruno for obvious reasons. Uninitiated viewers will absolutely piss their pants when they hear some of this shit. To think that there's a funnier performer on the planet (there isn't) boggles the mind. Keeping it real, indeed.

Best Episode: US Edition, "The Law"
Best quote: "The purpose of the show is to heducate, motivate, and...er....rate."

6)

Lost

The best sci-fi program ever made. It's so sci-fi that most people don't even realize it - they think it's a TV show version of Survivor. That's the brilliance of it. Every episode dick-teases something so fucking epic that I get hard thinking about it. The episode where they open the hatch may be the only moment watching TV that I actually got wet. A moment of payoff so sweet that all other programs weep at it's magnificence. If you can watch the first episode and not be hooked, you're retarded. I have never heard a bunch of nerds get together and talk theory like this. The program is a cultural phenomenon. What program has ever made you so obsessed with math? Lottery numbers? GPS coordinates? Go watch season 1, the first 6 episodes of season 2 and talk about your crazy theories like it's going out of style. But it's not. The only thing that keeps Lost lower on this list is the fact that some girls watch it because they like the beach. Hey sluts, it's all about geo-magnetic-aliens-smoke-monsters-devils-terrorists; etc. Sci-fi so smart that dumb people don't know it's sci-fi. Wow. Lost, indeed.

Best episode: Orientation
Best quote: The nerds talking about the show while girls are listening

5)

Seinfeld / Curb Your Enthusiasm

The second best sitcoms of all time. Seinfeld is probably the most successful comedy show of all time, and for good reason. Timeless characters, great situations, brilliant dialog. Forever rewatchable, always entertaining, never dirty or low-brow. Proof that sometimes show about a bunch of friends can actually be funny (clever reference to me telling you that Friends is the worst fucking show ever made with the possible except of Adam Sandler having a show). Everyone is so obsessed with Kramer because he's silly. I like George. He makes me laugh. (Because he's fat). It's funny finding out 3 years after it ended that Jerry Seinfeld wasn't the funny one. That honor goes to the co-producer Larry David, who might be the most clever writer alive. Curb Your Enthusiasm is really just Seinfeld 2.0. Take Seinfeld, filter out all the crap (like plot, characters, and a budget) and you're left with Curb. It's everything you like, with swearing thrown in. Toss in a few Seinfeld cameos and you're all set. How could I not approve of that? Yes, there's a tie. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Oh yeah, and if Seinfeld is a show about nothing, then what the fuck does that make Curb Your Enthusiasm?

Best episode: Seinfeld - The Yada-Yada / CYE - Porno Gil
Best quote: "You don't even know what a write-off is, do you?" / "You're too good to take off your fucking shoes?!"

4)

The Office

Proof that every once in a while a good show for a specific audience can actually become popular. Far, far better than the original UK version and much more varied, this is a brilliant fucking show that only educated people can appreciate. If you don't think it's funny, it's because you have a shit job. Exactly. Steve Carell is a comedy fucking genius that steals every single scene of anything that he's in. If there's any justice this will be the next Cheers and run for a million years. Except that Cheers was crap.

Best episode: The Basketball Game
Best quote: "A Michael Scott Joint....Great Scott!!" (a visual gag)

3)

Family Guy

Mathematically, the jokes-per-minute rate is off the meter. Easily the funniest show ever created. It's not for everyone, and thank God. Loud, rude, obnoxious and rewarding. The smarter and more aware you are of the world, the funnier this is. Did you know you can make a show using 100% other peoples' material? I guess you can. It's exactly what the world needed, and it really makes you question what you can't show on television anymore. Cutting edge is the term the critics use. I just think it's fucking funny. While the show is starting to show some weaknesses, it still is significantly funnier than anything you've come up with.

Best episode: Petarded
Best quote: Anything Quagmire says

2)

Married...With Children

The greatest sitcom of all time. Trend setting, offensive, and home of some of the greatest moments in TV history. A hero to miserable men, Al Bundy shows us that life can only get worse. Probably the closest to a reality show about the average American family as there's ever going to be. The sheer amount of A+ episodes are staggering. This was the original Simpsons. This was the original The War at Home (which would be #11 on this list, no question). This is the show that invented offending your target audience. This is the show that made making fun of fat girls acceptable. This is the show that proved that Fox is the greatest network on the planet. I remember growing up to this stuff, learning all about culture. There were jokes in this that I didn't get until 11 years later. It's that good. When Al Bundy was in Wayne's World, I almost cried - because I had forgotten to set the VCR to tape MWC. Whoa, Bundy!

Best Episode: No Chicken, No Check
Best quote: "Aaaaaaal, do you love me?" "No, Peg." Runner up: "How did I get home, you ask?"

 

1)

24

Surprised? You shouldn't be. If you don't think this is the best show on TV, perhaps you should watch it. Perhaps you don't even own a TV.  While to a moron it appears to be a commercial about a guy who loves his fucking cell phone, it's much, much more than that. Better than any action movie, better than any political thriller, better than any drama. The most original, gripping, addictive show ever displayed on a glowing screen. It's so fucking great that they made two movies out of it. (I'll let you figure that out) The show unfolds in real time, things happen even during commercials. (That's when Jack eats goes to the bathroom, obviously) Every single show rips 24 off. Biological weapons? Check. Ethnic terrorists? Check. Split-screen narration? Check. Double agents? Check. Plot twists so twisted they go back to normal? Check. My lord that's a good show. Every season seems to get better (season 2 is the best) and always makes you feel outraged and helpless to watch yet another episode. This is the show that made TV important again. It made DVDs useful, it made your VCR operate again. It cured cancer, it gave you herpes. The Jack Bauer Power Hour was the reason your television was invented. Oh yeah, and just so you know, on 24 Season 1-4 the good guys drive Fords and the bad guys drive Chevys. (Ford owns Mazda and Chevy = crap)

Best episode: Day 3: 6am-7am
Best quote: "Call the police!  ...."Lady, I am the police."

 

So there you go, the ten greatest TV shows of all time. Please do not bitch and complain that I didn't put Grey's Anatomy or Gilmore Girls on the list. Go write your own little list, and put it in a safe place so no one can ever see it, thanks.