It's a political thing, you wouldn't understand

 

 

 

A few years ago I wrote this little ditty called “Ignorance is bliss.”  While by my modern standards it seems quick and painless, currently I am slow and in pain. The injury I’m suffering from is called “What the fuck is wrong with you?” and you’re afflicted with it. You might want to sit down for this one – the Internet sure gets uncomfortable otherwise.

No doubt that nowadays we live in a very strange society. It’s so fashionable to pretend like you know what the fuck you’re talking about, especially concerning nonsense matters like other countries and policies thereof. Love him or hate him, President Bush has made everyone think they now know politics. Whether you know politics or not is debatable, but here’s something you cannot debate, at least not with me:

Politics are bullshit, like Santa Claus or a reliable Dodge Neon.

Who are these people? Who cares?

Let me paint an upgraded picture for you, and take a moment and really listen to what I’m saying. This will not be some Bush/left wing/right wing/liberal/republican/capitalist/Kerry/hippy/Energizer Bunny speech. I am Canadian, I do not have a president, I do not care who signs my welfare cheque. I am personally more affected by the president of my local coin-operated cash wash than anyone in political power. I am only going to present to you a different viewpoint on politics, one that you will have real trouble disagreeing with.

It’s summer. You come home from work, and you go sit in the backyard and crack open a Pabst Blue Ribbon. You can do this tomorrow, you can do this last month. In fact, you can do it any fucking time you please because short of a gun pointed at your head, you will do as you wish. The most fundamental human aspect of life is this:

-You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. (At least once)

You can choose to do something or nothing, today, tomorrow, pre 9/11 and post 9/11. If Fight Club taught us anything (besides having sex with dishwashing gloves on) is that we have to let go that which does not matter. Today’s American society is so focused on the comedic antics of President Bush that they lost sight of what truly matters – nothing. I dare you to tell me how any president has affected YOU. Not your aunt, your co-worker, but you. They haven’t, have they? They haven’t. The economy, the dollar, the whatever – it has fuck all to do with you. I visit America a few times a year and nothing’s changed since I was a kid. You had $0.99 hamburgers in 1989, you still have $0.99 hamburgers in 2007. Three presidents since then, same hamburger. The crazy high gas prices because of President Bush? I live in Canada, the prices have gone up as well. Cool theory, except that in Europe they pay twice what we pay for gas for the past decade. I doubt Bush has anything to do with that. You’ve all got to give up on this fake involvement about politics. It’s just another fad, like Skip-It, tri-color sneakers, ripped jeans, Spice Girls, and the Internet.

You're too young, you wouldn't understand

Put on any pop music made in the last 3 years and I guarantee there’s some talk of politics on there. What’s that all about? Why are you singing about the president, anyway? Are you really trying to send a message to your fans, the majority of which are too young too vote anyway? Like those pot-smoking, school skipping brats are going to line up at the voting booths because Green Day and Eminem said Bush is bad. Right. More cleverly, think about it this way:

-Bush’s policies favour the rich in America (your favorite bands)
-The bands pretend to not care about how Bush is making them richer but they reach out to you to tell you that it’s cool to be trendy and hate someone you’ve never met
-Who gives a shit?

Like Eminem - making a song about Bush. Shut up, get back to beating your wife and singing about that. That stuff is great. I listen to music to escape the ordinary, and not to listen to Internet forum talk. Why can’t artists stick to what they’re good at, like singing about how their dad beat them?  I’m gonna have kids and beat them, so they may have a solid chance at becoming pop stars.

Most of you are so delusional about what really matters. Politics do not matter. I’m proud to say that I do not vote, and here’s why. I am not interested or educated enough about politics to make a responsible choice. (Neither are 97% of you) I don’t know the parties’ campaigns, policies, changes, or hairstyles. Why all the pressure for us youth to go out and vote, when all we make it is a popularity contest? Only older, more responsible, educated people should be able to vote. Let those in the know make decisions. Imagine if law-making was a democracy. Everyone would be walking around smoking pot, drinking at age 10, and there would be no speed limit. That wouldn’t make much sense, would it? Well neither does trying to make every person vote for the hell of it. Let’s go back to 2004 when Bush got re-elected, for instance.

Bush is the most hated president, nay, person to ever walk this earth. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t he get re-elected by the largest popular vote margin ever? You know why that is? Because millions of you hippies were sitting around bitching about Bush, saying there’s no way he could ever win, and didn’t bother to vote. Ha. Suckers.

We all know that President Bush is an idiot (as a person and as a president). He's just not a smart guy. He used his political and personal connections to become the most powerful man in the world. Wouldn't you do the same thing? People have done a lot more for less. I've beaten up children just to get a decent upper body workout.

This, of course, brings us back to the original topic of my article:

Bush or not, smart or not, it doesn’t fucking matter anyway! You just like talking fauxlitics!

Go back into the MTV or whatever you kids call it

You’re just trendy, deal with it. Before 9/11, you didn’t even think twice about any politics. Green Day was too busy telling you about baskets and you were too busy living a real life before the advent of 9/11/MySpace/Facebook/iPod/Starbucks/YouTube/Prius/Atkins. I lumped them all in together because they’re all cut from the same cloth. Now you’re a “liberal” (whatever that is), an environmentalist, a collector, a video director, a cam porn star, a ‘writer’, a musician, e-famous, e-whatever. You’re letting the media control your lives and you’re proud of it. Have any of your thought about the fact that we all control our own destiny? President not creating new jobs in your field? Get a better education, asshole. Environment sucks? Make some more paper posters to protest, idiots. Love life sucks? You’re unattractive. We and we alone control our lives.

I am personally more affected by the lateral grip of my car’s tires than anything that’s happened in the world in my 25 years of life. It is more important that I wear a condom than my Prime Minister’s healthcare policy. I mean, if I don’t get a disease I won’t have to go to the doctor, right? How comfortable my shoes are is more important than what happens in Iraq.

A much more important choice than any election

Bush sending people to war? No he’s not. Idiots signing up for the army are going to war. I know what sort of people join the army – and most of them are better off far, far away from me anyway. You want to get paid well for killing people that did nothing to you, ever? No, that doesn’t sound evil at all! Damn that president! Oooh!

I've played enough Age of Empires II to know that this won't work, no matter the military budget

I know there must be others in this world that have some common sense left like I do. Those people must not use the Internet, though, judging by the forum posts. You even bring in politics into a thread and you’re going to have 20 pages of propaganda, threats, mockery, comedy, and insults when the original topic was about what size monitor is appropriate for word processing. Why do we do this? Because we think it matters? Because we want to appear smart? Because it’s awesome to hate someone in power? Just think about it. Back in 1997, no one under the age of 45 never even knew Afghanistan was a country. You know what you were before you were a democrat or a republican? A human being. I wish we could go back to those days. Ignoring most things makes them go away, you know? (see: flu, bullies, fat chicks)

I consider myself the ultimate rebel. I am approaching the polar opposite of modern youth society, and it’s actually sort of endearing. What’s even better is that I’m a rebel by doing next to nothing in an age where everyone is over-involved. I actually take the time to sit down and say to myself “Does A or B really matter?” 99% of the time, not even C, D and E matter. You all need to realize that. Stop thinking that America is the center of the world, when the other 193 countries could give a shit less. That’s right, 193 other countries with their own politics that don’t matter. Take some fucking personal responsibility for once and go make an actual difference, liking making my $0.99 hamburger.

Now, a king of burgers, there's a leader that could make a difference

The best things in life are free, and no one’s going to change that. Before you spout off about how I don’t know how hard life is for some people, let me tell you this. I was born and raised in a communist country, where I had no running water, no television, no heating, no electricity, no Playstation 2, no father. The slum I lived in had no roads, telephone infrastructure, hospitals, no Wi-Fi, basically nothing you consider part of your normal life. Because my family took RESPONSIBILITY for living in such a shithole, we moved to Canada. I now do fuck-all at work, make $45K a year, own two cars including a convertible, have my own website, have hundreds of thousands of readers, have occassional sex, have loyal friends and no illegitimate children (that I know of.) Unless you live in a communist country, you have nothing to worry about. Your president/prime minister/CEO/soccer coach can’t do anything for or against you. That is the beauty of the world some of us live in. Let’s embrace it and ignore it so that our children may do the same. Tyler Durden says “use soap.”

 

 

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