Is it ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care
If the name of the article gets you excited, then for once we have something in common. It’s cool to think up such a great title and not have a single coherent thought to go along with it. A normal person would fall apart as this point, but I, the great Tommy v2, am a clutch player. I always come through in the end – and if this paragraph continues, it might be the end sooner than you think.
Since my site is a blog, I’m going to tell you all about everything I’ve done this week. We’ll start with whats-her-name. Ha – see what I did there? I am easily as funny as Robin Williams in that movie where he dresses up as a British person.
Arrested Development did it better and funnier than Patch Adams aka 1 Hour Photo
As I’ve mentioned before, there is so much information available to the average person these days that it’s a shame to be a dumbass. About the only place I don’t go for information is the public library – because it’s downtown. Downtown is a shithole – not physically, it’s the people. Every time I’ve ever been there I see all these fucking homeless people reading things endlessly. Hey homeless fucker, you’d think that with all your new-found knowledge you’d be able to find a job, eh? Fack. It’s so easy being homeless these days. Just today I saw a homeless guy get picked up by the Police while he was pan-handling on the road median. How many times have I been freezing on the street and didn’t get no police attention? If you answered zero, then you understand why I have a website and they don’t.
There's no way of knowing if someone's homeless, please don't judge
There’s no fucking good reason to be unemployed other than worthless pride. There are literally hundreds of call-center jobs anywhere you look. If there isn’t one available, there will be in about 8 minutes. Surely someone’s gonna copycat my Verizon exit interview and liberate themselves from this slave labour. At this point, if you need a job, you can get one. They pay isn’t great – but it is decent, and that’s better than any fast food job. You get to work long hours, optional overtime, all in a warm, cushy office environment. I’d say that’s better than sitting in a cubby hole asking me for change. “Do you take platinum credit card, you homeless fuck? Huh? Huh? Don’t bother getting up, I’ll fucking ace you with my Nikes.” Don’t get me wrong – I’m not a violent person, I just like to fucking hit people that are a burden to my convenience. Twice. Tyler Duren taught me everything.
I am Jack's homelessness - for about an hour or so
I’m mean to homeless people because they’re bad people. Don’t confuse homeless people with people living in poverty. Poverty is a sad, sad thing. When I came to this country, I lived in poverty. My dad had to do painting/construction gigs for pocket change and food. If he repainted a bakery, they’d give us food. He worked his ass off and eventually we got on our feet by making responsible decisions and sacrificing. That was almost 20 years ago and now everyone’s doing just fine. Poverty is everywhere, and it’s rough. Life is expensive, and wages are poor. I’ll tell you what’s not fucking logical in the next paragraphs. I feel the vein in my forehead swelling from wanting to type this sooner.
If you’re ‘poor’, here’s some things to think about. If these make you laugh it’s because they’re true and sad. Keep in mind these things apply when you're poor, not just suggestions about life. I can’t tell you how to live your life, although I can upgrade it to some extent. As unlikely as a ghetto person is to read my site, the first step is education. Maybe print this out and hand it out to beggars. Those who won't want to kill me are likely to be inspired. The others are in denial, aka drunk off mouthwash.
Do not buy a FUCKING NEW CAR. They cost a fortune, insurance is high (because it’s new, duh) and you’re irresponsible. There’s nothing a brand new Honda can do that a 5-year-old Toyota can’t do almost as well. I can’t believe how many people buy a new car and then get blindsided by the payments. And the interest on TOP of those payments. 5 years of payments for a car that you’re gonna crash at the first sight of a snowflake. Don't even get me started on poor people buying cars that are gas-guzzlers. That shit ain't cheap! And the laughter by smarter people in the background all the time has to get annoying, too. If I get emails about “old car repair costs” than I will send you a fucking QUOTE from this article that says TOYOTA or HONDA. I do not have any mercy to anyone who buys some POS car because it’s cheap. You get what you pay for. If the car is free, it will cost you a fortune. Quote me on that.
Do not eat fucking pizza and McDonald’s every day! Why in the world are poor people eating better than me? If you’d ever gone to this awesome place called the grocery store, you’d see that sensible food is cheap. Really cheap. For less than $50 you can feed an entire family for a week. This won’t be “delicious” food but it will be healthy and nutritious. I can’t help you if you if get “a craving for chips.” You do know the chemicals they put in those things make you hungrier and fatter (which makes you eat more), right? It’s a great idea. More money than brains? In this case, you have neither.
Entertainments costs. I’ve had the pleasure of hearing about ghetto ass white trash spending 35% of their income on Blockbuster rentals and shit. You need entertainment when you have no life, no job, and no future. Here’s an idea – don’t get too scared because I’m using big words. You get yourself a ghetto-ass computer from the pawn shop with a DVD burner. ($30, these days, plus next to nothing for the computer). You then get yourself low-speed high-speed Internet, which runs you about $25 a month. You probably have this anyway, so this cost is negated. Then – are you ready for this? – you DOWNLOAD AND PIRATE all the movies and TV shows, burn them to DVD, etc. This way you have unlimited selection and quantity for next to nothing. What’s Blockbuster charging these days for a movie? More than squat? Thought so. You could easily cancel your cable, too, since TV shows come out so fast and look so great. Is it convenient? Not really. Is it fast? Not always. Is it next to free so you can spend your money on more important things like bills and getting your feet on the ground? We have a winner, folks.
Credit cards. If you have to use them for things because your bank account is empty, you’re fucked. You may never recover. I have no funny comments about this, because it’s real and it’s scary. If your Visa is your best friend, your next best friend will be Duke at the homeless shelter. Hey, that was pretty funny. Try and prove me wrong? Just try it. Show me one person in serious credit card debt that’s “gotten out of it and is doing well for themselves.” A Jamaican guy has a better chance performing at a KKK convention.
When you pay it off, just do it!
Educate yourself. Ever notice that success breeds success? 99% of wealthy people end up having children that are well off, too. Not because they give them money, but because they teach them important lessons. If these people became homeless all of a sudden, $5 says that within in few months they’d be someone’s boss. If you are intelligent, educated, presentable and professional – you will do just fine for yourself. If what you went to school for isn’t working out for you, swallow your pride. Try harder or go back to school for something else. Don’t give me that “school is so expensive!” bullshit. It’s called a “student loan” and millions get one. You can pay it back once you make money, you know. You get 20 years to do it. I apologize if filling out a few forms isn't worth your success or your family's future.It takes real character to admit you’re wrong, but sometimes that’s all it takes. If you decided that you wanted to become a flight attendant on September 12, 2001, I can’t help you. If you go to interviews wearing jeans and eyeliner then post blogs about how they are unfair to young people, I can’t help you. If your career choice is office work and you don’t own a computer or know how to operate Microsoft Word, I can’t help you.
Remember, it only gets better from here!
I was afraid years ago about making a bad career choice, but I stuck through it. I worked shitty jobs (Verizon call center, I’m looking at you, wench) and worked my way up. No, things didn’t work out like everyone promised they would, but I did well. I’m sure it’s nothing to brag about (it doesn't take much to make more money than me, so don't send that email either) but I’ve done well for myself because I am a winner. I worked my ass off, swallowed my pride, and succeeded. I can’t speak for every country, but in this one – if you’re willing to work your ass off and get ass fucked a few times, you will make it. Everyone makes fun of immigrants because “they are taking all the jobs” – oh yeah, they’re taking the jobs all right. Because they got off their ass and made an attempt, even with language barriers and the inherent prejudice of the commoner natives. Food for thought – ever see any immigrant homeless people? *feels the “ooooohs” of a thousand readers*
So yeah, back to my blog. Today I took my non-breaking-down-zero-repair-cost Japanese car to a restaurant and ate Chinese food and it was delicious.
