v2 Frequently Asked Questions!

 

If you have any ambition at all then you have a million questions for me. Luckily, it's mostly the same few questions over and over, so I've assembled this wonderful little FAQ to help you sleep at night.

 

What the hell is your problem, man?! How can you talk shit about _____ and _____ !!!!111!?! (usually with expletives)

The only problem is that you're not media-literate. You have to learn to tell the difference between the Internet and reality. If you believe every little thing you read, that's a shame. Some things are just for entertainment. Everything I say is true, but it is not meant in a mean or malicious way. It's all for the sake of entertainment, but you already knew that when you threw rocks at my car.

How did your website get started?

Please refer to the "about site" link on the left side of this page.

Where did the v2 thing come from? Really?

It originally stemmed from an idea for my license plates. It was originally Tommy v1 (a combination of computer nerd humour and a then-current wrestling gimmick), but on a license plate that looked like roman numeral 6 so it had to go. Then V2 looked like "an upgrade" (referring to software version code) and viola! One thing led to another, and the mythology worked itself out. The rest, I suppose, is history.

How old are you? Where you from? What's your real name?

I'm 25 years old. I live in a large city in Ontario, Canada. I was originally born in Poland, in a bathtub or some shit. I survived the Chernobyl nuclear disaster of 1986 because I have superior genetics and am immune to nuclear physics. I do not reveal my real name in my writing because I like to separate reality with Internet playerhaters. My first name is actually Tom, though, if that helps you with your stalking.

Why do you use so many swear words in your writing? You would seem smarter if you didn't use so many!

I can't believe how many times I get asked this! Weird. First of all, I don't use that many. Second of all, I can do whatever I want. It's a rebellion to all these modern 'holier-than-thou' nerd writers who try to use sophisticated vocabulary to impress their readers. I am a classically-trained writer who knows every English rule - but chooses not to use them. I'm not out to impress anyone's professor - I'm out to entertain. If you find my language offensive, may I suggest not reading, then? I'm not stupid by any stretch of the imagination, and if my "naughty words" make you think that, may I suggest playing the lottery with your psychic abilities? You'll do as well as you usually do, I wager.

What do you do for a living? Do you work telephone tech support?

I work in the IT industry. I do have a telephone, but nobody calls it. Mind your business. I don't ask what your mother does for a living...mostly because I already know.

What's your educational background?

No need to be racist. I primarily have a tech background. I have a college degree in Network Engineering. I have many industry certifications and I am a huge geek for doing so. Luckily I am attractive so I never have to talk about my brains, ever.

...?

6 inches, down to the millimeter.

What inspires you to write these articles? Some of them are pretty obscure...

Most of the time I have an idea for an article and it takes me a few days to get all the ideas written out. Sometimes I just do something fucking cool and I want to brag about it. Sometimes I just sit down and force something. Either way, it all comes out the same - brilliant.

What websites do you read?

Good ones. Surprisingly very little comedy or commentary sites. Mostly video games sites and entertainment. I don't watch live TV (I download all my TV shows), but I do read about it whenever I can.

Didn't you go to my high school? I totally remember you!

If you went to the same one I went to, then yes. Otherwise, no.

Do you read books?

I can read 900 words a minute. I've read tons in my life. I enjoy young reader stuff, because sometimes the girls have sleepovers together and that gets me hot. I can no longer read books because shit distracts me. I have a phone, cell phone, pager, tons of computers, beeping shit and lights all over the place, so it's hard to concentrate. Basically I'm illiterate.

Aren't you some 40-year-old pervert fat slob who relives his glory days through a website aimed at today's youth?

If you're a cute girl aged 12-17, please meet me at the mall and I'll answer this question as honestly as I can.

I'm a hot girl and I want to marry you. Will you accept?

Get in line I guess. As much as I'd like to share my talents with all of you lovely skanks ladies, I'm a one-woman a day kind of guy. Please accept my humblest apologies

Do you actually bang people's little sisters?

Not always on purpose. I find out they have older siblings after. Mind you, I'd still do it if I knew, yeah.

I run a website. Can I link to yours? Have anything I can use?

Sure you can. You can link ONLY to my main index.html page and nothing else. Use this banner for linking:
  copy and paste this with the www.tommyv2.com hyperlink. Thanks.

When's your book Regret Zero coming out?

I would've been finished a long time ago, but cool shit keeps happening to me and I can't seem to decide when to end it - the book, that is. You'll know when it's done, trust me.

Is your ego really out of control like they say?

I'm too important to answer shitty questions like that. Next.

Is that really you on the forums?

I hired someone to pretend to be me just so I wouldn't have to interact with the fans I worked my ass off to obtain.

How can I get involved with your website? Need any help?

No, you can't. Everything I do is a solo effort, except for my recent site upgrade, which was only because new-age web design eludes me. Email me if you find any technical errors, and I'll fix them. I do everything myself and proud of it.

 

If you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask. Send mail to tommy [at] tommyv2.com  Although I can't promise to care, I will read it.