Useless employee, you just got OWNED

 

 

And still people are saying that I don't contribute to society! Wrong as usual, fuckers. Last night, I totally contributed my fair share. Listen and learn to see what happens when you mess with Tommy v2. In case you're skeptical, let me assure you that this story is completely true, because I would never lie to my loyal readers. Unless you're the police, then I'm making all this stuff up and my name is Mike Maverick.

On Friday, I went random shopping with a friend. I don't know why I went shopping or what I even wanted, but surely I had to spend the thousands and thousands of...nickels that I had amassed from my amazing career. Then, out of nowhere, it just occurred to me. Sandals. Fuck yeah. I already had a pair, another wouldn't hurt. And then, just as quickly as this idea came, I saw the light. It was a tunnel of bright light...guiding me towards a popular athletics store. The light came in several color schemes, most sexy being black & white. The new Air Jordan sandals. My life mission was now complete. $75. Big deal. They even came with matching Jordan socks!

Upon trying them, I found that I loved them. Assisting me was a very cute girl that obviously wanted me, even more so if I had these sandals. Everything was hunky dory, until she opened her mouth. "Yeah, they're nice...but..."
"But what?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"Hey, they're nice if you got money to blow."
"What's the big deal, they're seventy five bucks."
"Seventy five bucks for flip flops...?"

And then my heart was broken. Was it too much to pay for fucking sandals? I'm not sure. No. I don't think so. Maybe not. Grr. She should've just pressured me into getting them. I thought it was some dirty reverse psychology, but I dunno...I left and didn't buy them...

The following day after I had stopped smoking crack and came to my fucking senses, I quickly fired up the V2 and drove down to the mall. Right back at the store, another employee helped me out. "Hey, can I get these in a size nine?"
"Yeah no problem bro. Those are awesome sandals."

A minute goes by.

"Oh yeah, sorry, we're all out of that size."
"You've got to be fucking kidding me."
"Yeah, we won't be getting any more either."

I then felt my blood pressure rise to that of a normal person's. "That's fucked up. This girl last night talked me out of them. Told me they were too expensive. Kinda insulting, seeing as I did want them and could easily afford them BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING MILLIONAIRE and now I'm here to get them."

"What?! Are you serious, who did that? That's fucking stupid. What did she look like?"

To make a long story short(er), they grabbed a manager. I explained my situation. I was angry at this point because I really wanted these fucking sandals. He was absolutely livid. He says "The most fucked up thing is - pardon my French - is that this isn't the first time she's done this." He then proceeded to call the district manager and guess what? That girl got fired.

I felt relief wash over me in an awesome wave. I can helped my community and made the world a better place. Then, I quickly ran to another store in the mall and bought those sandals, encountering nothing but great service from a girl twice as cute and at least half as retarded. In other words, I made a big deal out of nothing and cost someone their job because they thought seventy five bucks was too much for flip flops. Ha. You just got owned.

I love these fucking things. I hope you like them too, lady, since they cost you your job

The moral of the story? Always buy ridiculous shit and try to ruin some lives in the process. Tommy v2 wouldn't have it any other way...

PS: This is for making me live without my sandals for one day unnecessarily.
 

You're welcome.