=Tommy v2 Online=

Don't you dare forget how cool I am

Yet another bragging adventure of Tommy v2

Well, the US elections have come and gone. Did you make the right choice? You should've voted v2 for President. Does Canada has presidents? Soon enough. One day in the future when your kids see my face on a twenty dollar bill and they spend it on a six-pack, just know that I'm proud.

Lately some of you have been playerhating a little too much. I've been getting nothing but unoriginal hatemail complaining that I'm a bad influence and I'm making stuff up, blah blah blah. Nice try, tools, but that kinda talk won't BK me anytime soon. Since all you ever do is bitch and complain about me, I decided to give you an entire page dedicated to how great I am, just in case you forgot.

But first, here's a little story demonstrating one of the trials and tribulations I go through on daily basis.

One day, I'm driving down my street trying to set a new land speed record, and then BAM! I see a fucking cop pop on his cherries! Goddamn it what a buzzkiller! I'm so close to home that I just fucking go into my driveway like nothing happened. Fat chance.

I thought it couldn't happen to me...but guess what pulled me over? THE FUCKING POLICE BEETLE.

A fucking POLICE BEETLE.
I couldn't be more embarrassed. The cop gets out and he's like, grrrrrrrr steaming mad. He goes to the back of my car to get my plate. Then, all of a sudden, he's like:
"Holy shit, are you Tommy v2?!"
"No shit," I say, politely.
He just stands there dumbfounded, staring at my car. His partner looks equally stunned.
"Tommy, listen...can I take you car out for a ride? This thing is amazing and I bet you get all this pussy with it eh?"
"No shit," I said.

So we swapped cars for a bit. Ah, the fucking fringe benefits of being famous and cool.
"I'll even let you wear my hat," he said.
"Rock 'n roll," I said. "Don't fucking touch my parametric equalizer settings."

Chicks love cops. I love copping chicks

It doesn't come in stick, but I did stick a few prostitots

So then I drove around and arrested a few underage girls for dressing too skanky, then I gave them the sentence - 15 minutes without the chance of parole at Chateau v2. It was cool. I wore the hat.
"You have the right to remain slutty!" I proclaimed. It was awesome. (One of them was blonde)

So that's my story. Being famous is almost as good as getting laid in elementary school. That would be awesome. I would have done it, but your sister was like, what, a toddler at that point? Not into that. Yuck. Although I would steal her cheese and crackers. I fucking love cheese and crackers.

So anyway, back to me being awesome.

The man, the legend, the upgrade

My gangster power is so intense the picture got blurry

When I was a kid, I used to fucking love Show & Tell in class. I always brought the coolest shit to school - my sister's diary, microscope slides with yaz on them, knives, girls' bobby pins, hair ties, etc. Now that I'm older, I'd go back to school just to show my new shit off. I love being older - and handsomer to boot. Look at all the stuff I have! (this is not a complete list, I also have baseball cards)

Money

I love money. I mean I work hard for my money just like you do, but I have more than most guys because I don't spent any of it on girls. Girls always buy me stuff because they want to impress me. It never really works but I like them trying anyway.

You think I'm not as badass as I say I am? More delusional thoughts, chump. I am a straight-up player. Some guys tell girls shit just to get their dick wet and they think they're the baddest thing ever...but dude, can you top this?

Yes, it's a real Olympic gold medal. Like, actually

I have a fucking OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL in pimpin'. If you can top that...no, fuck that, you can't possibly top that.

What good is a gold medal though if I don't have anything to show you? Don't worry, you can depend on me to be a pig and show you pictures of girls I've upgraded - and deleted!

What you don't see is the girl on her knees

Am I a homewrecker too? Kids, I wrecked more homes than Hurricane Andrew. Playerhaters, keep your girls locked up at home. As soon as they see me, your chances of getting laid again by them are fucking slim. Examples of my homewrecking include:

your girlfriend

your sister

your fantasies

And don't think I can't be fucking cool while doing dorky shit. Yep, I make a fool out of myself playing DDR at the arcades. Laughing at me? Have you seen the sluts that hang out at the arcade! I could insert a quarter into her slot all day! Quarter of a METRE! Damn I'm awesome.

Fuck, even on the computer I'm heavy mackin'. You ever seen girl deepthroat a banana on webcam just to show what she can do? I have. Sometimes the girls on MSN get all mad and shit because you screw them over, but I mean, that's ok. I'll just put on some Nelly featuring Tim McGraw and all of a sudden they're deepthroating a coconut. Fuckin' eh. Tell a girl an MX-3 is a Porsche made in Japan and they'll do anything. Ha. Porsche MX-3. Girls'll believe anything these days.

Girls these days show their emotions in different ways

Man. How did I become so cool? I thank each and every one of you fuckers fans out there. You guys inflate my ego a little. Next thing you know I'll have real self-esteem! Whatever, I'll just buy one. Rock 'n roll.

My friend once sent me a link to a website that had so many porn pics on it that my computer actually crashed. If I showed you all the pictures of why I'm awesome, the same thing would happen. So I'll spare you the trouble.

I am awesome.