The legend of Tommy v2

How do you fuck with a guy who survived the Chernobyl nuclear disaster? My mutant powers of twisting the English language to suit my needs and the ability to remove girls' panties by only paying small sums of cash are ever-evolving and dangerous.

A true corporate sell-out, version 2.0

If you're not familiar with me, I'm almost pleased to meet you. I call myself Tommy v2, and I am the Internet's last hope for intelligent and clever content. If you're anything like me, you're sick of going to sites and being bombarded by ads, pop-up, pop-unders, smut (although I love porn more than you love breathing), flash content, shockwave applets, etc etc etc. I bring you Tommy v2 Online - a site that pays respect to the finer things in life without dumbing it down for anyone.

I'm 25 years old, but about 45 in the head.

I reside in Ontario, Canada. I am not American so don't expect any clever political talk. It ain't gonna happen. I work in the automotive industry and my educational background is computer networking. I have too many certifications because I have a supreme memory. I have a hard-on for computers and technology, but also for slutty girls and second rate smut movies. In case you're curious: Pepsi, boxer-briefs, Hoegaarden, missionary, manual, medium-well, Tommy Hilfiger, manual, no onion, Arrested Development, white, hot and plain.

I am a prude. I am snobby. I do not bend nor break for anyone. I do not pretend to like anyone, I do not put up with nonsense. I listen to Wu-Tang and drink copious amounts of green tea brewed with filtered water served in the finest Sears china. I am a sex and computer freak and mix the two every chance I get. I've even been known to fuck a floppy drive or two. I am generally disgusted by the world around me and I do my part to help change that. I am an egocentric person who does, at times, really believe that I am one of the greatest people alive. Judging by your emails and attention, I think I might be on to something.

The world's best beer for the world's best pimp this guy

My background has always been writing. From my first typewriter from a yard sale that I got as a kid, to my first 486 computer with Wordperfect, I've been writing as long as I can remember. My first language is not natively English, but I was fascinated by it. I damn-near beat it to death and I survived to tell the story - and you're reading it. I've written many terrible short novels which you'll never read, all in preparation for writing that one book that will truly affect someone. It's coming...eventually. And it will be spectacular.

So, enjoy the site and I always look forward to your jealous hatemails. Email address is below, drop me a line or twelve.